7-Minute Mom

Dear Ann Landers: My 5 yr old asked me if I’d ironed my underwear this morning.  When I asked him why, he said “mom, you are WAY too uptight for a Monday.”  Sheesh.  Do you think I need to relax?

A few weeks ago, readers might recall the speech that was O (Obama not Oprah!) so controversial . . .the big Presidential speech to school kids.  Parents got all worked up about everything from socialism, liberalism, brainwashing—yet once people actually read the speech (that was posted on online prior), it turns out it was really about working hard, being responsible, setting goals, watching less TV and yes. . .hand washing versus brainwashing (i.e. swine flu).

I was actually impressed with the overall tone and content because I worry daily that I’m not teaching my kids how to roll up their sleeves and understand that it takes a little sweat on their brow to achieve almost everything.  My mom and dad pretty much used my sisters and I for slave labor (OK, that’s maybe an exaggeration), making sure on a daily basis we contributed in some way to the family, on a sports team, in the classroom and generally have the ability to challenge ourselves to make the right effort to get a top-notch outcome.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  There have and can be some fairly negative consequences to be too bull doggy as a parent—all of which I’m currently working to overcome.  You know. . .the typical overachieving, competitive, work alcoholic 40-something..  But, these days—I’m not complaining.  Even though my drive may kill me if I don’t continue to keep everything in moderation, I also know it has saved me over a lifetime.  I’ve learned to unconditionally believe that anything is possible.  Yes, anything.

And, that is why my kids need to learn the value of hard work.  Once you’ve done it, make it a practice – there is nothing you can’t overcome or do.  If you suck at basketball in the 7th grade (me, me – pick me!). . .you can be a star by high school.  Or, maybe even become Michael Jordan later in life.    I’ve seen over and over again that a lot of hustle and a lot of practice will eventually pass over talent.  How many of you know someone with blissful talent who just gets buy (or in some cases), sits on their lazy bottom and realize almost nothing.

I don’t want that to be my kid.  I don’t want that to be the generation who raises me when I’m 70.   As I’ve said before, this economy is causing people to reinvent and re-evaluate themselves.  Nothing is a given anymore.  Even if you don’t have kids, take a junior high or high school kid under your wing.  They have been watching easy, simple, convenient all of their lives.  Things aren’t like that anymore.  Show them how to work hard and the eventual rewards they will realize.

And. if you are one of the talented ones who has rested on your “bottom” laurels, get up!  You’ve rested long enough, although I sure have fun running right past you.

I’m off (now) to teach my kids a little bit about how to clean the bathroom.  When they complain, I’ll tell them how lucky it is that they can hop in the shower and wash off that sweat.   Whaah, Whaah!

Dear Ann Landers:  My 5 yr old flushed an entire orange down the toilet, which caused a major clog and hours of work dismantling the entire unit. When asked why he did it he said, “He was trying to feed all of the hungry children in China.”  His heart was in the right place. Should he be in trouble?  Help!

Dear Ann Landers: OK. I might have told my 5 yr old son that my job while he is in school is a super hero. My job is just too complicated to explain, so I went that route. Now he’s asking me to prove it, so I told him I’d scale down the side of our 2-story house this weekend. I’ve never done that before. Any tips?

This week I have made it a point to not only listen more closely to my children when they speak, but write down some of the interesting things that come out of their mouths.  And, although my 11 year-old daughter never ceases to amaze me with her insightful, caring words—it’s been my 5 year-old son who has become the center of my new “Dear Ann Landers” daily zingers.

Why “Dear Ann Landers?”  Well, it’s because I loved that woman growing up.  She and “Dear Abby” were the words of reason during my youth. I rarely let a day go by (starting at around age 10) without picking up the newspaper and reading the problems of the day and the solutions wise Ann offered up to lost and confused souls.  So, now that Ann has passed—I thought I’d pay tribute to her, plus I’m thinking she might need a few laughs in Heaven.   My little Christian is no shortage of good humor—intentional or NOT.

Ann Landers was a nurturer.  She nurtured the world with her wisdom and often-witty advice.  I remember thinking a million times, “I wonder if my mother asked that question” or “that happened to me the other day.”  She brought us together because when it really comes down to it, we are all connected in some way.  Yes, we are unique.  But, our problems are mostly human (ha, ha).

What I am most excited about is starting a journey of true documentation that life was good, funny and happy—some days if only because of a comment spilled out of the mouth of a 5-year-old boy.   I can’t wait for him to read them when he is 40.  And. . .I can’t wait to read them when I am 80.

Dear Ann Landers: My 5 yr old asked me today what car he’d be driving when he was 16. I told him it would be the same minivan we were driving right now. He said he’d rather ride a giant goat. Should I get that in writing?

*Click here for an archive of Dear Ann Landers

http://oshouldknow.com/dear-ann-landers-archive/

Over the last year—or whenever the recession (almost the depression) was officially dubbed the recession—I have become obsessed with a world that has been turned upside down or just plain inside out for millions of people.  My husband and I have been lucky, as we have survived (so far) through the thick of the mess.   We still have jobs, although instead of feeling warm and secure in our home each night, it’s hard not to feel like the reaper is lurking just around the corner.  .  .that nobody is immune to the instability of our current times.

What has been especially hard is trying to figure out how to prepare our children for the rest of their lives.  It seems like a different task these days.  Frankly, most of their short existence has been filled-up with “stuff all around them.”  And, that doesn’t mean an abundance of toys, clothes and all of the usual crap that kids desire after watching too much television in a family room that has been decorated around the big screen mounted above the fireplace.  It means that they have been sold the “easy and convenient life.”  It’s a life where you DESERVE to have a housekeeper versus taking the time to do it yourself, conveniently missing opportunities to teach your kids to how to clean.  God forbid—your kids might not be able to afford someone to scrub the toilet or mop the floor when they grow up.  What’s more likely is up to this point, they don’t have a clue how to do either.  We have also created generations of obese kids with the convenience of processed foods and have lost the art of cooking with fresh ingredients.  I’m ashamed to admit I have two children who think Velveeta is made from real milk (and is actual cheese).

People like to call today’s kids the generation of entitlement.  I like to call them the generation where the adults in their lives taught them about convenience, simple, easy, shortcuts—all the great adjectives that make life a synch.  But, do those adjectives combined with real life make for good children and eventual adults?  I don’t think so.  Not in times like these.  We have created a helpless generation who are trying to learn how to survive before they can thrive versus the other way around.

As I have thought about what this blog should become or how it might have value to someone if they take the time to read it, I came to the conclusion that I need to write about something I am passionate about.  So, what am I passionate about?  It definitely has evolved over the last year.  I’m passionate about being a nurturer—a happy and successful woman.  Men can be nurturers, but let’s get real—women seem to have the natural, God-given power to nurture in a more complete way.   I’m a nurturer of my husband, my children and those who surround me in my business.    What I often leave out is myself and I’m going to make it a goal to find ways to do this more successfully—and, I know by experience it’s not going to be simple, convenient or easy.

So, that’s what I want my O Should Know readers to find in this blog—a place to find ideas and thoughts about what women can do to nurture the new generation.   I plan to cover topics that the new generation will need to know about if convenience and abundance never return.  And, I have to say—I kind of hope they never do.  I think we can survive and maybe be better people along the way. . .even if we do have to scrub our own toilets.  Let’s teach not only teach our children how to fish, but show them how to gut and grill it in our own backyard.

For great recipes, I love this site:  www.tasteofhome.com.  What could be better than “taste of home?”  Taste of MickeyDee’s?  Not at my house.

Once again, I find myself getting ready to start working at 9 pm.  It’s been another long day of work, family, a few minutes of exercise and now back to work.  Almost daily somebody asks me, “Do you ever sleep?”  I heard someone ask my business partner that same question the other day.  Sounds like a negative questions, but I’ve learned to be grateful these days when people bring up my crazy life.  Yes, I’m grateful – for success.  That is what it is – plan and simple success.

My business partners and I have survived the economy so far.  We started a business just as America launched into the “recession,” we turned a profit right away (not a huge profit, but enough), we went from two to ten employees in just under 20 months and we continue to grow.  We launched Red Sky Public Relations – now Idaho’s largest and most successful public relations firm.  We took a big fat risk and I am thankful that we were brave enough to overcome a lot of fear.  Because, yes – we had a lot of that.

Sure, some days success was at the expense of our sanity or time we might have spent with our loved ones.  But, we created a stable means of income during scary times to support our own families and seven other people who might not have otherwise had gainful employment.  Yes, there were times I would have liked to have taken more time off and frolicked with my husband and kids – but, without a decent income I might have had a lot of time with my kids stressing out about how we were going to pay the mortgage or put food on the table.

Now, please don’t get me wrong.  I’m not bragging.  I’m GRATEFUL.  I’m also very thankful I didn’t have to do it alone.  Sure, it might have worked out if I’d done it alone.  But, I know for sure Red Sky would not even be close to the success it is now without my business partners.

I’d like to remind everyone why I started this blog and how it has come full circle – even though I haven’t always had the time to blog as much as I have wanted to or should have.  The blog was about doing the right thing. . .being positive. . .believing in yourself and others. . .and recognizing success.  Yes, success – in full O Style.  That’s what it feels like.  And, once again – I sure feel “O SO LUCKY.”

Today, Mother’s Day 2009, was one of the best days of my entire life.  And, although my husband, kids and God-daughter, made it special from beginning to end – it was one hour. . .from 9-10 pm. . .too late for my 5 year-old to be up. . . too late for him to be walking around outside. . .something totally unexpected . . that made it a “best day.”

Almost every night after 8 pm, I try to fit in an hour or two of walking in an attempt to get some exercise and mainly dream my thoughts – clear my mind or to fill it will new things.  Tonight, my little boy – who won’t let me kiss him lately because I don’t think he can slow down for that long – asked if he could go on my walk with me.  

So, I asked him if he thought he could go a couple of hours and he said, “Sure.”  Off we went.  He grabbed my hand and we walked for over an hour around the neighborhood.  We took turns telling stories, talking, just being one.  I was overwhelmed with a feeling I had not experienced since I was carrying him in my womb.  The ”one feeling” that makes a mother sad that she has given birth, even when she’s glad to have released the heaviness.

My little boy is what most people categorize as “all boy.”  He rarely stops moving and doing.  Kind of like me, I guess.

But, this past week I’ve made an effort to stop moving in the direction I was going over the last several months. . .or years, maybe. I did things I enjoyed.  And, I think it showed.  I hope it showed.

Maybe that was not it.  Maybe it was just a fluke.  But, one thing is for sure – I will never forgot this night, that one hour.  When he’s all grown up, I know I will look at him and remember. . .my little boy.  Walking with me under the stars.  Telling stories.  And, holding my hand tight. 

Thank you.

If you are going to go, go FAR.

Signs are everywhere that guide us, wake us up and turn us back in the right direction.  I’ve found that to be true of people, too.  So, why bring this up?  Because I’ve learned over and over again that if you don’t listen or heed to signs or the people you trust, life continues “as is” and that is not necessarily a good thing in most cases.  Change is almost always good.  And, it almost always entails a journey.  It’s just a matter of how far you want to go.

This past couple of weeks I’ve had not only a lot of signs, but spent some time with a couple of mentors that I cherish – not to mention individuals who I can’t believe have taken the time to care and nurture me.  Amazing people that have traveled farther than almost any humans have braved to go.  I also had dinner with an extrodinary client and she (unknowingly) slapped me in the face with a truth.  Like me, she was an athlete in her younger years.  She didn’t brag, but I could tell that she’d excelled.  We were talking about how athletics has inspired our adult professional life.  She pointed out that we learned to work hard to win.   We were conditioned over many years.  And, learning to work hard and experiencing athletic success has translated into our adult lives to always aspire to a higher level.   Always reaching futher down the road.

Over the last five months, I’ve been going 1,000 miles an hour and for the life of me, could not figure out how to slow down.  Or, even if I should.  From the exterior view, success has been abundant both personally and professional.  But, on the interior there has been nothing but what I call my “internal hamster wheel.”  Questions over and over again.  Should I stay, or should I go?  Where am I going?  Am I going too far?  Why am I hanging so close? Those were the questions spinning around in my soul.

It didn’t take much time for one of my mentors to answer all of these questions for me—in just one short statement.  The statement I lead this blog with is it – “If you are going to go, go far.”  My dad used to say something similar to me.  “If you are going to do something, be the best.”  But, the “go far” really hit me this past week.   It means more than topping everyone else, it means doing what you do FOR YOURSELF and to your satisfaction.  Don’t let people hold you back.  Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb and pick the best apple.  And, remember. ..you should be the one to take the first bite of that apple.

The road I’ve been on really took its turn the first of this year.  As most of you have probably noticed, blogging for me over the last five months has simply not happened.  After having some good time to write and be inspired around the New Year, life went crazy and I had to make some tough choices.  To blog or not to blog. . .that was the choice.  It felt terrible to quit in the middle of the Oprah New Year’s series – even sort of embarrassing.  But, it came down simply to work and family.  I have been in survival mode, but not necessarily in a bad sense.  I discovered – or acknowledged – for the first time that I really love what I do for a living.  And, that I love to work in general.   For years, I’ve gone through the days feeling guilty, bad about myself and in denial about this fact.  But, over these last five months I’ve also come to realize that there is nothing wrong with loving what you do. 

Now, work does not just include my day job as the owner of a Boise-based PR firm.  It also includes the fact that I love working hard to be the best wife, mother, sister, mentor and friend.   Accomplishing those things—being good at work, home and friendship—is really what makes me happy.   And, instead of feeling bad or guilty – I need to travel even further.  Because there is a long way to go.  But, to be the best I can be—I also need to make some changes. More, yet not going about more in the same ways.

I no longer want to be the professional that my clients find sent them work product at 1 am or the woman who got hemorrhoids because she sat on the sofa for hours and hours working.   Really.  Sadly, that happened to me several times recently.  When I mentioned this issue to a close physician friend of mine, the first thing she said to me was – “Steph, sounds like you have been spending a lot of time sitting on your . . .”   Yes, you know the three letter word.  And, yes.  It’s true. 

Truth be really told, this is going to be hard for me especially with work.  I am lucky enough to have a list of clients that I truly love and enjoy working with and for –so, each new possibly makes me want to go wild with creativity and hit the ball out of the park.  I’m also competitive.  So, I want to make sure my clients get service, strategy and creative thinking like they can get no place else—not in Boise, not in NY, not in LA.   But, delivering this can be tough on myself and those who work around me.   Learning to put limits on what I can do and say “no” is one step toward change, but also trusting more and teaching more to those who surround me.  Simply. . .believing.

I also need to extend this—first and foremost—to my family and close friends.  I think most of these people know how much I cherish them, but not taking care of myself or not being there to support them when they are trying to “go far” is not acceptable.   

And, that brings me full circle.  I’m going . . .and going far.  With all of the signs and encouragement from family and mentors, that’s exactly where I’m going – as far as possible.   You are all invited to come along.  If I can inspire just one person to finally be at peace or to take the far-reaching journey to the top, then my life will be complete.

Let’s GO!!!